TAI DODGE YU ARE ON THE ROAD…AGAIN – Callithump Entertainment

It’s the summer of 2017 and what can I say? Things are fuggin’ nuts. I don’t want to get super political here. I’m not looking to alienate people but some things just need to be said out loud. Some facts are just facts no matter how hard you twist them up…so I’m just gonna say it plain and simple:

I now use a bidet at home.

I know I know…

But have you ever used a bidet? Has your anus walked a mile in my anus’ moccasins? No, it hasn’t. Therefore, you have no idea the stakes involved in me leaving the humble abode of my gentle commode.

But it’s all worth the risk, because a road trip is at hand!

You read it right. Pacific Northwest. Sure, this makes it the second time ’round for Tiffany, Charlie and I but now Chase and the rest of our fam are taggin’ along, too! We’ve got the whole gang back together and we are gonna blaze all the way up to Vancouver and bizack, yo!

We set out on the 23rd and all that I can focus on is the discovery that in Kettleman City there is a new place called Bravoland, which boasts of a shooting gallery and “comical taxidermy” AND WE DROVE RIGHT BY IT!!! It’s okay, though, Tiffany promised that we could stop by on our way back home. She promised. She…promised. She promised!!!

It’s been two years since our last big family road trip, and what keep reflecting on is how much bigger all the kids are. All of the kids are soooo much bigger, and soooo much more aware and articulate and charming, and just fun to have around. I mean it! NO, I MEAN IT!!!

And also so much more equipped for the trip. Everyone has their own iPad, headphones, iPhone, etc. A big in-car issue is managing battery life of all the various device as we rip down the highway.

And Chase spent a good portion of time fixing each kid an individual road trip packet catered to each kid’s specific taste. Chase is always thoughtful that way..

After blazing up the five we arrived to the guarded gate where our cabin was in Groveland. Tiffany told me that our cabin was called “Barefoot and Buck Wild,” so naturally I told the guard that. “Hi, we’re here for the Barefoot and Buck Wild cabin? The guard kept a straight face, and plainly asked for the address, as the tittering erupted in the back of my van. Tiffany failed to tell me that the guard would of course not know the personal nicknames the cabin owners have for their cabins. Oh, well, I guess it’s not so awful if the guard thinks I’m a wild man.

But here’s the deal. I’m tired. Very tired. And now that Charlie is working hard to write all sortsa stuff on her own — and being very successful at it…

(COUGH) editorinchiefattemplecityhighschoolandguestcontributortothepasadenastarnews… well, she can help me with some of the heavy blogging…

Charlie…the bridge is yours…

I can’t say much about the drive to Yosemite because I was asleep for like 95% of it. Once we got there though the views were great! After taking photos at Bridalveil falls, we got on the Yosemite Shuttle and headed to Degnan’s Deli, where we had lunch.

We waited as two full shuttles passed by before boarding one and heading to the Yosemite Visitor’s center….and then realized that the Visitor’s center was about 10 steps away from the deli. Like you could see the deli from the visitor’s center. Needless to say we didn’t find it prudent to wait for the shuttle after that.

Then we approached it…..the hiking trail to Lower Yosemite Falls. My attempts to convince everyone to get up early this morning for an Upper Yosemite Falls day-hike had been shot down, but there was still a chance to finagle a small hike. We started with baby steps, walking the downhill path to the “falls view” area, which was just a space where you could see the waterfall with only like 75% of it blocked by trees instead of 99%.

The little kids (and some of the adults) were all already complaining about having to walk around and much to their dismay we started down the trail to the actual waterfall area. It wasn’t that much of a walk, there were at least 2 people who were hiking faster than us on crutches. Every so often we’d pass by a sign warning against straying from the trail.

“EVERY YEAR 200 PEOPLE END THEIR VACATIONS EARLY,” they’d say, “DON’T LET THIS BE YOU.”

And usually the bold type was accompanied by photos of people being carried out on stretchers, or x-rays of broken bones. Don’t worry, we all stayed on the path. At least we did until we got to the actual waterfall. Then we all of course climbed down the rocks to walk around in waterfall water.

Thoroughly tired out, we made our way back to the van, packed in, and…I immediately fell asleep again. I must have automobile-induced narcolepsy or something. I woke up to find that apparently we’d been driving in the wrong direction for like 40 minutes. Luckily we turned around and soon we were stopping off at BUCK MEADOWS DINER & MOTEL…AND ABANDONED GAS STATION. There was a lot going on. The motel looked like something straight out of Psycho. The Diner looked like something straight out of Twin Peaks. The food was great!

And so ends our day at Yosemite. I love Yosemite. National Parks are so nice overall but Yosemite was one of the first that I ever experienced so it has a special place in my heart. Now my mission for the remainder of this vacation is to convince the family to take a day trip out to North Bend, the town where Twin Peaks was filmed.

Tomorrow we head to PROSPECT OREGON.

Eureka!

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